Out of Nowhere

I didnt see it coming, i didnt see her coming.  Out of the dark she stepped that night to speak to me.  Very casual, very light, almost a bit forgetful.  Yet still, something caused me to give my number.  Who knew that night would hold so much significance...so much meaning in my life.  I had no idea who she was, what she was like, the power she held. Until i knew.

Fear

My discovery about anxiety is that it really boils down to fear.  When I'm having fearful feelings about one thing or another (and its usually just that ONE thing or ONE other thing), it causes me to tense up, get stressed and then I end up feeling horribly nervous, anxious and just like I want to be normal.  The other day I recognized that what I have been doing for the last couple of years hasn't worked out for me.  Though you would think I would have recognized that at least a year ago since I supposedly am a spiritual being that reads lots of things, and does the work to help me stay grounded... and led me to "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." So now I'm off to doing something different.  Its hard as hell, fighting the fear, fighting the control, but I'm choosing to just surrender and let go.  I kinda don't have a choice, but its different and releasing an attachment to any particular outcome is the right thing to do. Besides, realistically, my happiness isn't attached to receiving the thing I want.

If I really truly believe that whats mine will come to me and everything I want also wants me then surrending it all, the attachment, the control, the fear, anxiety and whatever else there is ... leaves me open to receive WHATEVER is mine.  In the meantime, I'm thankful for recognizing this.  Thankful for each moment that I'm blessed with.  Wow, I'm feeling better already! :)