Feelings

alrighty...so the saga continues...Its Friday morning and I feel like sooo much has happened that I don't see how we can get back to the love. I feel defeated, hopeless...like nothing i say or do could change where we were last night. So today its another day and another chance at learning, growing and facing challenges that are bound to teach me something. More to come later...

Its COLD

so i'm bored, right...i turn on my heater and its working UNTIL what why can't i hear it anymore...well, its not on. i'll have to call the gas company to come out and probably relight the pilot. anyway...Its cold....

I got this great new tattoo on my back, but paid an arm and a leg for it...maybe even two arms and legs...it was alot that much i know for sure. all that to say if you're looking for a great artist....Miya Bailey out of ATL...City of Ink. He will be well known in the industry very, very soon. Great energy and humble too....makes for a successful man!

I keep hearing a mosquito flying somewhere above my head...i feel like i should get up to get the fly swatter, but i'm feeling tired and dont want to get up. I barely want to get up to get in the warm bed, well at least warmer than this room.

cookie...I think we just are too different...which for me i could live with, but i dont believe you can function in this type of relationship. I know that I can, but i think its too much for you.

I go night night now....

It's another day

Thursday and i'm still wondering what the hell is really going on? Doesn't she see what is right in front of her...then i think well, don't you see what is right in front of you? I see...yes, there is another opportunity to grow, there is something for me to see...maybe she was right, maybe this wasnt our time. Maybe its another lifetime? It still hurts though...

I wonder, what is she thinking of? Is she thinking of me? Is she wondering what i'm doing? How i'm feeling? How i'm making it through the day? As i wonder how she is making it through the day? Does the job distract her from any pain she MIGHT be feeling? *sigh* Well, this much i know...no matter what everything will be fine...NO MATTER WHAT! Everything is as it should be I am certain of that. So I go on and i continue what I do. Feeling a lil less empty than i did yesterday...feeling a lil less like a piece of me has disappeared....a few less tears. No anger though, just here.

Did you think of me today?
Did you wonder how I slept?
Did you look for a message?
Some sort of sign to want to call?
Did you dream of us and wonder how this could happen?
Did you talk about me today?
Tell me cookie...did you?
Were you able to put the spoon in your mouth
and think of the times you fed me with that spoon?
did you lay on the couch and remember how we
layed there side by side?
Your head in my lap with me kissing it.
Have you thought about the kisses we shared?
The love we shared, the excitement of each moment we spent together?
I guess what i really want to know is...
Did you think of me today?

A Long Day

It's been a long day
have you felt the same things I have
Its been a long day
are you wondering if i am wondering too
Baby, its really been a LONG day
A day without you, your love, your laughter
A day without hearing you smile
Baby its been a long day
Can we make tomorrow not so long?

My dedication to you

I miss your hands
they way they touch my face
the way they hold my neck
sometimes hard/sometimes rough
mostly full of love
I miss your lips
the way they feel when you kiss me
on my lips/my face/my cheeks
the way the look when you chew
so brown, so beautiful
even how they look when they are frowning because you're upset with me
I miss your words, oh my love, your words
the ones that turn into questions that might drive me crazy
the words that i might complain about
the ones that tell me how much you love me
baby, i miss your words
i miss the way you lay your body on mine
the way you caress me
I miss the love we made to our music
our love story
Cookie...I am missing you.

FRIDAY

It's Friday and I'm in love. What does that have to do with Friday? mmm, nothing really, but I just wanted to say it. On my way to my lil guy's game, have a full tummy & for the most part things are good. Life is a blessing and all things that happen are blessings as well. Even when it seems they are not.

Fear, something I need to think about. How it affects my life and my reactions to it? How it affects my relationships, new ones and how it affected old ones. I'm so blessed that I have someone who is willing to work with me through all of this. Thank you cookie.

Have I truly given all of me....
what does that mean

Down Ass Chick

We were talking about the situation from last night...."If she ever came to your house when I was there I would leave." HUH? My mind was sort of surprised, and my heart took a hit. Why would she leave? I say that my feelings are hurt, but she has to run into a meeting, so our conversation is postponed. The rest of the day is pretty good, but as I drive home we come back to it. I say again that my feelings are hurt, and she can't seem to understand why they would be hurt. "I would make sure you're safe first, of course." So what, the point to me is that you would leave. I guess the question that you asked of me I will now ask of you....Do YOU love me as if you're life depended on it? Are you ride or die? Do I have me a down ass chick on my team? Well, doc, do I?