Shining my light

If you never look for the light you will never find the light...I am the light and I will continue to see the light, be the light and look for more light...

This is me..

Loving, funny, grouchy, naive, sensitive, silly, affectionate, a loner, cynical, openminded, lover of books, a mommy, a gramma, i am quiet and talkative, i am needy and spoiled, i want alone time and to be with others.  It all sounds contridictory, but it is all me and then some...and i love it all...

My friend

I read my friends blog today.  What a story of love, of hope, of despair, but mainly a story of love.  You know i've posted many blogs about broken heart and love, but really its not quite the same.  Sure, I love her, but this other type of love is so unselfish.  So not about me and so about just compassion, human spirit, human solidarity.  When i think about it thats whats missing from the world today.  Everyone is just out for themselves, but not my lil skittles. (LOL) Nope she is a lover of the world and probably most everyone.  Tonight reading her blog has shifted me in ways that i can't explain.  I know this much...while i've always known that everyone has a story and i've typically rarely judgemental of homeless people, from now on i will do my best when the opportunity presents itself to form a connection, to do something different...to be that human that wants solidarity with someone that is different from her.  To really be LOVE.

all wrong

i've been coming at this all wrong...i'm posting heartache, sadness, lack, scarcity...but there is so much more.  So much i'm grateful for...so much i am in love with.  My life, my children, my grandchildren....My family/friends.  Its really a beautiful life and i'm not taking it taking it for granted any longer.

Letting go

It started with “I suggest you start letting go”


Those words pierced my heart

In that moment I thought I might fall to pieces

Recognizing that I must indeed let go

“God, please help me!!” I begged for her strength to get me through

There was though, peace in that clarity

Enough peace for me to start to see, really see

That in that letting go was the new beginning

“God, you have shown me a whole new beginning”

A new way to be, to love, to see, to share

I embraced that new beginning

decided that I was only letting go of what didn’t work

what was unhealthy, what was broken, what was old

and time start over with what I finally got to see

a new beginning to rediscover love

to begin love anew

for our souls to once again speak to one another

as they have before

in this new beginning way

where only love can prevail

in the most vulnerable of ways

what a blessing that day

the day you suggested I start letting go

i'm allowing her to choose what happens in my life, but maybe not...she's not even speaking to me...so the message is clear and yet i'm clinging to the hope that she tells me something, anything i want to hear even deep down in my soul i know she's not. oh well, a girl can dream can't she...i'm going to bed..or at least in my room.

The message is deafening...

I waited and hoped, hoped and waited
for you to call
and say to me-ok, baby, i'm ready
i love you and can't see my life without you
lets make this happen
lets work together
build our foundation
have our family
i'll be there for you
and i know you'll be there for me
i know because i know you love me
but that call never came
as much as i thought it would
even though your words echo over and over in my head
"My love for you is bigger than me"
None of it makes any sense to me
doesnt love conquer all if you have that type of love
but then maybe it does make sense
i just havent figured it out
the only thing i know for sure  is
you havent called
you didnt say anything to me
and in not saying anything
i heard plenty....