I finally did

So I was feeling decent about our interaction last night, but still sad at where we are and can we ever recover, but then i text this morning. No response, not that she had to, but then i called to ask can i make you dinner tomorrow? She didnt answer her work number so i called the cell and no answer. Now i dont feel so good anymore. I am really not sure what to think. Did she ignore my calls and my text? Did she decide that its not a good idea to interact with me and if thats the case why wouldnt she just say that to me? Was she busy, but was she too busy to even acknowledge me? OH tk, what am i gonna do? Maybe i just walk away and dont look back? Maybe its for the best for both of us? This really has nothing at all to do with love cuz the one thing i'm sure of is that she loves me and i love her. The other thing i guess i can't stop thinking of is who is occupying her time? Helping her with her emotions?

maybe

i want so badly to text her right now, but i'm not. i just want to say, i love you tk, but i'm not. i want her to call me and say i made a mistake, but she wont, to say, you're right its too miserable not talking to you lets work it out, but she won't. She will be gone this weekend to her retreat and maybe she'll find what she's looking for. Maybe i should just accept what is and do my best to release her...maybe....

ACHING

my heart is hurting so much right now...all i want to do is cry until i can't cry anymore. I smile and say i'm great, but inside i'm dying. Its almost like every few minutes tears well up and i have to blink them away. oh i miss this woman....

i can't help but wonder if you took my pictures down, did you? The cards too...I know you didn't have many out, but did you put those up? When you woke up this morning and after you prayed did you think about me? Do you miss me? Or has someone filled that void? you no longer desire to talk to me? right now i'm hurting so much and i just wanna know if you're feeling the same thing....

She left

She left me today
I asked God for a sign
and she left me today
Was that you God?
Speaking to me
were you telling me that she isnt the one
that all this love i feel for her was for nothing
Just a test?
She left me today
telling me that i focused on things that werent relevant
but they are relevant to me
does that not matter
She left me today and
my
heart
is
BROKEN!

Feelings

alrighty...so the saga continues...Its Friday morning and I feel like sooo much has happened that I don't see how we can get back to the love. I feel defeated, hopeless...like nothing i say or do could change where we were last night. So today its another day and another chance at learning, growing and facing challenges that are bound to teach me something. More to come later...

Its COLD

so i'm bored, right...i turn on my heater and its working UNTIL what why can't i hear it anymore...well, its not on. i'll have to call the gas company to come out and probably relight the pilot. anyway...Its cold....

I got this great new tattoo on my back, but paid an arm and a leg for it...maybe even two arms and legs...it was alot that much i know for sure. all that to say if you're looking for a great artist....Miya Bailey out of ATL...City of Ink. He will be well known in the industry very, very soon. Great energy and humble too....makes for a successful man!

I keep hearing a mosquito flying somewhere above my head...i feel like i should get up to get the fly swatter, but i'm feeling tired and dont want to get up. I barely want to get up to get in the warm bed, well at least warmer than this room.

cookie...I think we just are too different...which for me i could live with, but i dont believe you can function in this type of relationship. I know that I can, but i think its too much for you.

I go night night now....